I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
