She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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