I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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