Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
