I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
