I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
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Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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