Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
