I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
