my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
