I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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