sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
