beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
