My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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