My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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