cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
