I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I am morally bankrupt
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
