Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
