i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
