I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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