lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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