If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
