Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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