farters have to be the big spoon...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
