He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
