When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
