I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?