Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.