I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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