The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
