oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
