Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
