Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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