god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you inspire me to be a worse person
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
