i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
