I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
