When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
