she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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