Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
