Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
