The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
