Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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