nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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