so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
