I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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