I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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