I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
