Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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