You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
