it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
