apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
