Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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