When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
