i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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