I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hippo gnu deer
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
