good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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