Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
