So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
