Can i not drive my cunt home
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
