Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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