oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
