I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
