i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
