did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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