now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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