Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
