You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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