In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
