Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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