Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i love accidental penises.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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