He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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