So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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