So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
