so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
