i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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